How raw should someone be in a post? How much should someone reveal? I don't know the answer to that. I can tell you this, if you read my blog long enough, you will find out more than you ever wanted to know about me. Today's post is proof of that.

I have been grappling with myself a bit for the last couple of days. I enjoy the author life. However, it is challenging in many ways; especially the area of promotion. I have little desire to promote myself, but it is necessary to promote my written work. Even promoting my written work is less about sales and more about sharing what I have been given with others. My heart is so full from creating something from nothing. It has been said, we are most like our creator when we create. Makes sense to me; and I feel it too.

Because I am a pastor, however my main circle of friends and contacts are other ministers or church friends. It feels like a conflict of interest to tell them about my books because it looks like selling. I don't have a supply of books to give away. As a matter of fact, if I want one of the books I have written, I have to purchase it. I have written two books so far and haven't made a dime. This is because the investment is high and the yield, at least presently, is little to nothing. Please don't view this as a complaint. I feel so alive during the process of writing and publishing. The best part is, my books have opened doors for me to visit children in schools. I have made one public school visit and five Christian school visits since my first book was released in 2022. I am scheduled to make three more visits this Spring and one of my goals is to visit every school in my city. But before I turn this post into a newsletter, I want to circle back to my reason for writing.

I have dealt with inferiority most of my life. There are many reasons for this and I am aware of most of them. As an adult, Holy Spirit has counseled me about these feelings of inferiority and revealed His truth to me about them. I know these feelings are tactics of the enemy, meant to hold me back. It has been said that humility and pride are each a side of the same coin. This coin has zero value, by the way. The pride side says, "I don't need God. I can do all things... by myself." The inferiority side says, "I am not enough and God is not enough. I can't do anything and God can't use me. He can't make up the difference in my lack." Consciously, I (we) may not think these things verbatim, but sometimes these are the lies I (we) live in. This upsets me sometimes and sometimes I just curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself.

Yesterday, I visited a Christian preschool of wonderful teachers and precious little students (souls.) My first job was at a preschool. I needed a job because high school was getting expensive. So, I opened the phonebook and flipped through the pages looking at the headings. Catering..no. Construction..no. Plumbing..no. Preschool..yes! I called the listing and asked if they were hiring. They said yes and scheduled me for an interview. I worked at this preschool (and after school care center) for several years until I got married and joined my husband in the ministry of pastoring children. It's obvious. I know God chose children's ministry for me, and every author visit is a reminder. My books keep the door to children's ministry open to me and have opened an additional door of supportive ministry to teachers and staff. This may not be a traditional ministry model, but I recognize the fruit. This fruit isn't served on fancy china placed on linen tablecloths. (Although, I'm all for that.) This fruit is cut in tiny pieces and served on a paper plate, placed on a colorful alphabet rug on the floor.

I am not in the sales business, but I am in the book business, because those books are what God has placed in my hands. I'm gonna keep on spreading Jelly because it helps me spread God's love. And I am tired of feeling like I have to keep it a secret or apologize for it. If you spend more than a minute or two with me, I may start passionately talking about my current author gig. Please don't feel obligated to stay and listen or to order one of my books. Just know, this is God's plan for me. It's one of the good works He has for me and I must do it with all my heart. I can't worry about perception anymore; the enemy tries to use that to hold me back. I must go forward. "God will have His way in my life." I repeat that phrase often. I encourage you to do the same. Let God have His way in your life and make no apologies for following His will for you.

Mechelle