If I were to believe life is like a Hallmark movie then I would believe that most women out there feel restless, tired of life’s monotony and ready for something new. That is how I feel; maybe I watch too many Hallmark movies. Maybe I do, but I have felt like this for a long time.

I have a lot to be grateful for. Life is good; and safe. But something inside of me longs for adventure- not the cookie-cutter life, something beyond the routine. I can’t explain it. I often feel guilty about it.

I’ve questioned whether it’s scriptural to want change, whether it’s Godly, holy.

“Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 NLT                   

“I am the Lord and I do not change…” Malachi 3:6a NLT   

“…He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.” James 1:7b NLT 

“For I am about to do something new…” Isaiah 43:19a NLT

 “And who would pour fresh, new wine into an old wineskin? Eventually the wine will ferment and make the wineskin burst, losing everything- the wine is spilled and the wineskin ruined. Instead, new wine is always poured into a new wineskin so that both are preserved.” Matthew 9:17  The Passion Translation

“Great is His faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” Lamentations 3:23 NLT

God is faithful, consistent, steady, but He’s also always working, moving and doing something NEW!

I don’t need to be guilty for the way I feel, but I’m still not sure what’s going on here or why I feel this way. Don’t get me wrong, I know I started this post by mentioning Hallmark movies, but new love isn’t what I’m looking for. I have the man of my dreams and I thank God for him multiple times a day! As a matter of fact… these adventures I’m longing for… I want to share any and all of them with him!

It’s such a strange place to be in- the place where you’re so thankful for what you have, but you aren’t attached to it. For some reason, I’m longing to be a minimalist- to detach from stuff and to just be somewhere beautiful with the people I love and my basic needs, (give or take my Bible, music and a few good books.)

I’m going to be 48 this year, maybe I’m at the beginning of what’s referred to as a midlife crisis. (I thought only men had those?) Why do they call it a crisis? I think it’s just a transition in one’s thinking. We grow up thinking fame and fortune and the accumulation of things are what will make us happy. Then we get some life-experience under our belt and we realize those things are beautiful and shiny on the outside, but hollow on the inside. King Solomon knew a little about this. He had everything you could ever want and yet he called it all meaningless. (See the book of Ecclesiastes.)

I know, of course, that only God can help me (or you) find meaning and fill our empty places. He created us with a purpose- to worship Him. He created us with an agenda- good works He planned for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10) So why? How is it possible to still feel a void when you are drawing close to God and doing His will as you understand it to be? I’m not sure.

Maybe I’m in a transition phase? Maybe God is preparing me for something else? Having gone through two pregnancies, I remember how scared I was at the beginning of them, especially the first one. I also remember how I felt at the nine month mark; I was over being pregnant. The moment the fear of labor and delivery takes a back seat to the desire to just be done with pregnancy and see your child(ren), you are in the right state of mind to give birth! This present desire outweighs the previous fear and gives you the strength and determination to take on the challenge!

The fear of the unknown is real for me and many other people, but I am almost at the point I mentioned earlier. I am almost at the place where my desire to give birth, (in a spiritual sense) is greater than my fear. I am tired of giving God a list of conditions that need to be met before I can go forward into something new, into those good works He has planned for me. To be honest, I don’t like the feeling of being out of control, but I am just about ready to trust Him completely, even with the unknown.